Eastman's World

Whitewater where?

2008-10-06T20:08:00.000-07:00

You know that you're going somewhere in the middle of nowhere when you're aisle seat also happens to be a window seat. That was my thought anyway as I flew to Madison, WI where I then took a rental car to Whitewater, Wisconsin. I was right, but so mistaken.

As I took the 12 18 Hwy, and eventually just the 12, I learned some things about Wisconsin. Here are 7 of them:

1. Your barns aren't big enough if you can't fit your home inside of them.

2. If there isn't a Haunted Field, Haunted House, or Haunted Forest every 5 miles in October, you're missing something.

3. Corn fields work mysteriously well right next to pumpkin fields.

4. The Cheese Shrine in Fort Atkinson should be avoided...unless you like cheese!!!

5. Restaurants are strangely closed on Mondays.

6. There is nothing wrong with a beautiful Victorian with vacant fields 3 1/2 miles in either direction, as long as it fits in each of the barns behind it.

7. Everyone is really nice in this beautiful northern state, except that chick that made us get two scoops of ice cream when we only wanted one. What's up with that?

A Real Day of Training

2008-10-01T15:10:00.000-07:00

For Dan

Ft. Worth, TX
August 27th

6:00 am Wake Up, Shower, Shave
7:00 am Eat Breakfast in the hotel or McDonald's or Starbucks
8:00 am Arrive at building to set up projector and Powerpoint slides
8:06 am Place hand-outs on table for participants
8:20 am Introduce my self to participants and managers
8:30 am Begin training
10:15 am Fifteen minute break
10:30 am Train until lunch
12:00 pm Lunch at Sonic!!!!!
1:15 pm Start the afternoon of training
3:00 pm Break
3:15 pm Finish afternoon training
5:15-5:30 pm Wrap-Up training
5:30 pm Answer emails/questions on voicemail
6:15 pm Head to hotel to change/call Sweetheart if possible
7:00 pm Meet training participants/managers/directors for dinner
9:00-9:15 pm Arrive at HGI - check personal email and chill
11:15 pm - Hopefully speak with Sweetheart though CST is two hours later.
11:45 pm Sleep quickly to start again tomorrow

A Day in the Office

2008-09-30T21:23:00.000-07:00

Monday - two weeks ago

7:00 am Arrive at Airport
7:04 am Find that flight has been cancelled
7:51 am Arrive at counter in front of real estate agent
7:58 am Find that Airline has rescheduled my flight for tomorrow
8:06 am Plan to drive to another airport that has a flight close to my destination
8:08 am Invite the real estate agent that was behind me in line to pay me for drive to other airport
8:18 am Leave Airport
9:30 am Arrive at other Airport
11:00 am Finally find a parking place in the structure
11:05 am Eat brunch with real estate agent
12:15 pm Read in uncomfortable airport chair
1:15 pm Wake up from nap and read some more
2:05 pm Board flight to Chicago O'Hare
7:05 pm Arrive at the airport named for an incredible man
8:50 pm Find that flight has been delayed for an hour so watched Cowboys/Eagles
9:50 pm Flight is again delayed...pilots hadn't arrived
10:50 pm Flight still delayed...Cowboys win.
11:34 pm Pilots ready the plane after arriving from NE
12:02 am Plane lifts off
1:27 am Plane lands at MSP
3:29 am Arrive at Hampton Inn Rochester
3:40 am Fall asleep
6:30 am Wake
7:30 am Meet up and drive a new hire to New Hire Training
8:30 am Begin training New Hire materials

I actually felt like I had some of my best stuff in that day's training! And that's a day in my life as a trainer...

Forgiving

2008-09-26T15:24:00.001-07:00

I learned the best definition today:

Forgiving is letting go of the hope that you can change the past.

She's Amazing

2008-07-30T08:15:00.000-07:00

For those of you who don't know (you know the few of you that actually read this blog), Jesica is starting a new job today!

AND I COULDN'T BE HAPPIER OR MORE EXCITED FOR HER!!!

So, if you have her number, wish her luck as she embarks on a career in PR, as the wonderful writer and communicator we all know she is!

I know he hasn't met her yet, but I'm sure Tiger will be thrilled with his newest employee!

Way to go, Jesica!

BTW, Jes, I really wanted to call you a tiger, as in "Go get 'em tiger!" I just couldn't figure out how to make it work.

I Need to Read!

2008-07-09T11:44:00.000-07:00

Traveling has brought me opportunities to increase my vocabulary! At one time I thought that my word usage was indicative of my education, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized that because of the limited conversations I was having, my vocabulary was dwindling. Consequently, as I speak with fellow passengers on planes or just more people in general (because I'm training) I feel that my verbiage has increased.

While I'm wishing to increase my brain's lexicon, I don't particularly want to reduce my slang usage or the vernacular to which I've been accustomed to. I also don't want to do this just to sound smart, but rather to increase my knowledge so I don't stop learning. With my job, I need to make training interesting and I've found that trainers with larger vocabulary seem to have a better handle on the material as well.

Enough about work, though. The whole purpose of this post was to inquire of good books from any reader of this post. I've found that while I envelope myself in a book I seem to acquire some of the language contained therein. I have a list of 23 books that I've never read that I probably should have by now, but I could use some direction, if anyone out there has any!

Here is my list (and I apologize for a lack of links to a site where they can be purchased):

1984 - Orwell

Brave New World - Orwell

Darkness at Noon - Koestler

Candide - Voltaire

The Firm - Grisham

Inside the Whale - Orwell

A Voyage to Lilliput - Lang

Uncle Tom's Cabin - Stowe

Swim with the Sharks Without Being Eaten Alive - Mackay

The Civil War v.1-3 - Foote

General James Longstreet: Confederacy's Most Controversial Soldier - West

Memoirs of General W.T. Sherman - Sherman

Pale Horse at Plum Run - Leehan

God, Man, and Hollywood - Winchell

All of C.S. Lewis' Works

So, there you have it. My list to go through in the next year. I'm pretty sure I can make it. And I'm fairly certain the words used should help my increase my limited, OK/CA, slang-filled speech.

Five Reasons and a Witness SB 33's a Waste

2008-07-03T18:22:00.000-07:00

Two days ago, 1 July 2008, California got a new law. SB33, basically states the following (courtest of our DMV):

Motorists 18 and over may use a "hands-free device." Drivers under the age of 18 may NOT use a wireless telephone or hands-free device while operating a motor vehicle.

Otherwise, you better not be talking on the phone or you'll be fined $20 the first time and $50 every other time. If you come to visit, remember to bring your Bluetooth device that you just paid out the nose for, or the headset that tickles the side of your face while you're trying to have a serious conversation.

Now, CA is not the first state to have such a law, in fact, it is the 6th, but there are many problems with this law.

First, if you're dumb enough to get caught speaking on the phone, now that you know it is a law, you should be charged more than $20 for it. I mean, is it even worth the cops' time to pull you over for that?

Second, does this mean that I can still text while I'm driving? Heck yes! Wait, isn't that more dangerous than holding the phone to my ear? Just don't hold it to your mouth - you'll get pulled over for that, too, because you can't "chirp" back and forth with a Nextel radio.

Third, isn't dialing a number on the phone just as much a safety hazard as actually talking on the phone? I can't get pulled over for that either.

Fourth, if you were a lawmaker wanting to really change the habits of drivers wouldn't you actually make it a punishment? They don't even add points to the record of the vehicle operator.

Fifth, I plan on going to In-N-Out on Saturday and ordering a burger and fries and a strawberry shake. And I am going to eat it in my car - on my way home! Can't pull me over for that...can they?! I'm fairly certain that my greasy goodness will keep my attention better than a rectangular piece of technology!

So, there are five reasons this cell phone law is bogus. Let me tell you another.

Car 43. CA Exempt License number 1232717. Cruiser belonging to the Barstow Police Department. Officer driving down the 15 FWY, with a detainee in back while speaking on a red flip phone - with his hands!!

Have you ever been down the Cajon pass? It can be windy and hazardous and talking on the phone can only increase the likelihood of an accident, hence SB33. Shame on you Mr. Policeman for breaking the law that you are supposed to inforce!

Oh, and you'll have to forgive me because I have to take this next call since I'm typing this on my Blackjack on my way home from work...

The Wrench in Our Plans

2008-06-30T11:16:00.001-07:00

Jesica and I have plans!

We thought about Arkansas for the Holidays. We have a Cabo trip planned. We have a Europe trip in the works. We spoke with our realtor last week. Since I travel for work now or work remotely, we're looking at other places we could live (not that we're moving). We keep discussing kids because her schooling at its close (but again, this isn't an announcement).

We have plans and those listed above aren't even an eighth of them!

However, everytime we feel we're just to the point where we can move forward...something like this happens:

Yes, this is our Mitsubishi without a transmission! And without AC and without a horn. It seems that they all decided to stop within a week of one another. Horn, then AC, and finally the transmission. And that tow was crazy pricey!

However, with this HUGE setback, we can find hope in more than just the Gospel.

The Redlands Bowl is close! And it is free! Thank you kindly's go to Jesica for a wonderful weekend concert with Lorna Luft and the San Bernardino Symphony! Oh, I love John Williams music (he's an incredible genius) and it is so much better live! Thank you kindly, Sweetie for a great evening!

And Casey is as happy as he's ever been!

And we have each other!

Our plans will come together regardless of a broken, stupid, idiotic, oafish, expensive, dirty-rotten, insensitive, worthless, zany, hairbrained, expensive, absurd, moronic, fatuous, ridiculous, expensive, no-good transmission!

Let's make our plans happen!

Another Conversation

2008-06-29T13:39:00.000-07:00

I have a few handfuls of movies that I'd really like to share with Jesica! I know she'll like them, she just doesn't trust my judgement for some reason. She doesn't seem to appreciate my artistic view, so I'm always thinking of ways to trick her into watching movies that I like.

Today we were trying to figure out what to watch and this is how it went:

Jesica: Ev, Sweetie what do you want to watch this afternoon?

Evan: I don't know. I think that we should watch whatever you'd like to watch.

Jesica: Oh, but you've been gone all week. We should watch something you'd like to watch.

Evan: Well, to compromise, how about that one movie that has that one really hot guy that you like? I can't remember the name of the movie or the guy. It has that guy you like coming out of the water.

Jesica: Casino Royale?

Evan: Yeah! Let's watch that one!

Jesica: (Laughing histerically) Let's watch Pride and Prejudice!

So, we compromised and watched Made: I want to made into a Cheerleader.

Maybe someday...

Any ideas?

Now I Know

2008-06-25T00:25:00.000-07:00

I thought that the reason that no one frequents my Blog was because I seldom frequent my Blog.

I was wrong!

Apparently, my life could be told in a 4-page book:

Page 1 - Ode to My Mom

Page 2 - Jesica, the Love of my Life

Page 3 - Find a way to do as little work as possible...usually "Tom Sawyer style."

Page 4 - The End - Thank you kindly!

I was told this (rather awkwardly, actually) and had to pass it on!

I promise that I'll add a lot more; maybe an appendix will show all I've learned and I'll call the Appendix Eastman's World! Someday...

The Eastman's Update

2008-06-23T21:40:00.000-07:00

Dairy Queen may just be one of the greatest ice cream establishments in the United States! I can think of a few others before we get back to today's DQ story.

Braum's Ice Cream and Dairy Store - I am so glad that there is one of these just as you drive into Bartlesville from Tulsa!!! It totally makes the drive from the airport to B'ville worth it!

Granny's - Yes, a tear dropped from my eye when I read the previous link...though it may have opened again! Yeah!

Sonic: America's Drive-In - Oh, boy do I wish there was one closer than OC. However, it is probably a good thing that there isn't. I already need to drop 10 Lbs.

Baskin Robbins - 31 Flavors, though I've never seen that many in there?

Frost Bites - Riverside's Hidden Treasure!

Snelgroves - Also going away...jerks! But here is a picture for memories' sake:

Leatherby's - Thank you kindly to Troy Kimball (and family) for this introduction!

All of the Cold Marble Slab/Stone Places - No link, because they're all good!

And those frozen yogurt places (Pinkberry for instance) that really taste like yogurt that you can choose what to put on them - even Cap'n Crunch!

Okay, so I love Ice Cream...and I have a story for each of the above places, but I just wanted to mention how cute Jesica is with chocolate all over her from a hot day and a chocolate dipped ice cream cone!

That was sweet on so many levels!

She Did It Again

2008-06-19T23:20:00.000-07:00

I have really tried to stay to a posting every three days for the last 9 days (quite an accomplishment, eh?), but I had to Blog again today because Jesica has done it again!

http://www.inlandvalleywcr.blogspot.com/

Behold her creativity and additional presence on the web!

Way to go, Sweetheart!

They Amazingly Overcame!

2008-06-18T19:51:00.000-07:00

In two weeks civilization will go on as it does without much thought to an event that changed the history of the world 145 years ago. I have a great respect for men who fought to the death on that day in Pennsylvania. However, as I remember the bravery and honor of those men, I've decided to read The Civil War. I believe that I have owned it and lugged it around since it came out in Paperback 18 years ago - can you imagine that I actually wanted this book that young?

Anyway, as I was reading this book while on a plane recently and learned some crazy, crazy stuff!

"He was a compromise candidate, everyone's second choice in a convention dominated by more celebrated politicians, a moderate from the center of a moderate middlewestern state without which the new party stood little chance of victory."

Lincoln, the 2nd choice! What?

The next paragraph discusses the 40% of the popular vote that he won the election with and then quotes the Richmond Whig:

"[...the election of Lincoln] is undoubtedly the greatest evil that has ever befallen this country."

Are you kidding me? And before Lincoln took an oath the Union had gone from 34 states to 27. Some people really hated him - insanely!

Robert Toombs, the Confederate Secretary of State, told Jefferson Davis that firing on Fort Sumpter was "at this time suicide, murder, and will lose us every friend at the North. You will wantonly strike a hornet's nest which extends from mountain to ocean, and legions now quiet will swarm out and sting us to death. It is unnecessary; it puts us in the wrong; it is fatal."

But like most Southerners, an Alabama secessionist J.G. Gilchrist told the Confederate Secretary of War, Leroy P. Walker, "that unless you sprinkle blood in the face of the people of Alabama, they will be back in the old Union in less than ten days."

To have this kind of hatred, plus a bloody, deadly, costly civil war in our past, and knowing that a torn country was brought back together, gives me great hope in this time of high prices for everything, fear and hatred of politicians. We can overcome differences and enlighten our minds to the point of forgiveness like every family who lost something in that surprisingly tragic fight for, among other things, rights, unity, and freedom.

Thank you kindly for showing us how gentlemen should act!

Shuttle Shuffle

2008-06-15T22:37:00.001-07:00

This place is CRAZY!

Perhaps you've been here to fight the traffic, parking, people, lack of customer service and security. In addition to those nightmares, it also happens to be far, far away from my home. And when there is a flight at 6:00am that you can't miss, the drive (and everything else) seem so much nastier.

So, on Friday when I was dreading this early morning escapade through LA on Monday morning, my co-workers saved my bacon! They told me of this service (that apparently everyone knows about) that would pick me up whenever I wanted to make it to my flight on time, deliver me and my bags to the airport, and then pick me up when I got back to take me home!

Yes, Super Shuttle is the way to travel - to an airport like LAX. On the way there I slept from 1:15am to 2:30am in the van. I didn't even have to worry about parking or traffic! I then fell asleep on the floor (eww) next to the escalator that led to the security screening area, because they don't open until 4:00am. Jerks. I read and dosed off on the planes to my destination and arrived hungry, but not tired. Yea!

The way home was nice as well. I didn't sleep but met some interesting people! I met a newlywed lawyer for parents who lose their children to Social Services and a couple who had been in Europe for 24 days. And my work paid for it! Thank you kindly Super Shuttle!

Can I hear an "Amen?"

Freelance Jesica

2008-06-12T22:42:00.001-07:00

Yoga Bear

Check it out! Jesica is livin' the dream! Props to her on her new endeavors. My hope is to some day spend all of my time answering questions about my wife's brilliant writing!

More importantly for this site, though, is the help that she can bring by telling the world stories of inspiration!

Keep Writing Jes and making people smile!

Kyle in Class

2008-06-03T11:16:00.001-07:00

Before I start an ode to my friend Kyle (who I may have neglected), I have to quickly apologize to my minute amount of readers for my absence. Sorry. I'll do better...maybe.

So, my Sheriff Deputy friend has a special knack for stating the obvious. In fact, it was always enjoyable to sit down the row from him in a lecture hall just to hear his retorts to hair-brain, idiotic responses/questions from other students in the room.

It was always better to sit down the row, because if you sat next to him you couldn't pay attention to the professor or would get in trouble for talking because they never suspected the deputy. However, in our World of Islam class there was no getting around it. And one day in class we received a note from somewhere in the room that read something like this:

"We paid good money for this class to learn how to coexist with Muslims. We want to better understand their religion and why they do the things they do. What we didn't pay for was your meaningless banter and loud voice - Shut up or go home" and other mean stuff...etc.

I couldn't help but laugh. I guess they didn't know Kyle at all! Or maybe they didn't think that he paid for the class too. Why did they think we were there? Whatever it was, it was fun to see Kyle's response. I never thought a paper being ripped up and sent to the trash can "air mail" could be so entertaining. In addition, he probably got better grades than they did, even though he "wasn't listening". That is amazing about Kyle, too. I never thought that he read or did homework or anything and he'd come to class and get A's all the time. Amazing.

Kyle is one of a kind. I sat next to him at graduation (by choice-I'm glad that we didn't have to worry about alphabetical order junk) and he spoke of his plans for the future and his family. I was awed by his concern for his family and especially his wife. He sent me a picture of the MoVal Tornado a few days ago and because of his comments about his wife, family and dog, my first question via text was about his family.

So, that's Kyle - our friendly neighborhood deputy - in a very brief history. There are so many more instances which could be recited. I asked our friend Ed to describe him in one word. "That's just not possible," Ed responded.

Here's to you Kyle! Your colorful verbiage and your knack for telling it how it is has made me a more rounded and open-minded person! I'll be forever grateful!

Hometown Representing?

2008-02-21T21:38:00.000-08:00

Home is defined by many different things. I've told my wife that home is wherever she and I sleep together (no I don't mean that sexually). Now, my home is in the USA. I could be more specific, but this is the Internet. However, Bartlesville will always be home to me. If you doubt this statement examine the next sentence. I still have my Alma Mater's website (BHS) on my Links bar at the top of my browser...really!

Any time I watch TV or hear the news about anything in Oklahoma, I get giddy. Yes, I said it: Giddy!

Just look at some of the most famous people from OK (and if you don't know them, let me slap you around):

If you don't know them - shame on you! However, some people you may not know yet are "representing" in current reality TV shows: American Idol and America's Next Top Model.

Alaina Whitaker from American Idol looks strangely similar to my personal favorite American Idol Winner (pictured above - and yes she is my personal favorite because she is from Oklahoma not just because she's attractive), but what is more incredible is that she, too, is from OK. She just lives further west than that blond bombshell did.

Then there is Amis from ANTM. She is actually from my home town!

I got home for lunch today and the first thing Jesica said to me was, "There is a girl on here from Bartlesville!" I didn't even take off my shoes. I just sat on the couch and scanned the women surrounding Tyra for someone I knew. I thought I might know her. Every time I go into the Super Wal-Mart I see at least 3 people I know...even after living in So Cal for 8 years!

There is a problem though. Not everyone in Bartlesville is like Amis. So, when she was shown to say some incredibly quirky things I was thoroughly embarrased, wishing that she hadn't given Bartlesville as her hometown. So, here is a shout-out to Amis:

If you don't like your hometown, say you're from somewhere else and save me the shame of having to explain why someone from there would be so full of condemnation for a city I love...jerk.

My Sad Realization

2008-02-20T23:06:00.000-08:00

This evening while watching the phenomenom that is American Idol and listening to '60s songs for two days in a row, I realized that my chance to be on the show is slowing drifting away.

I'm sure that this came about for one of two reasons:
1. My voice really isn't that good. I'm not a soloist really, just a great bass.
2. The fact that I can't even sing along with these people without my wife plugging her ears.

I've missed you blogging world. Welcome back to my life...

It's a Sign

2007-12-05T00:30:00.000-08:00

My last assignment: a paper on the importance of the three battles of Quebec in the 17th and 18th centuries, is due today! However, there was a problem - even before I finished (started) typing it.

Just as Murphy's Law states: I was lacking an important element.

So, I went to OfficeDepot to get a two-pack of black 94 ink.

I wasn't terribly excited about this purchase, but it signified an important event in my life - the end of undergraduate university studies! Can I hear an Amen?

What was more fun about this purchase was when I opened the box and pulled the 1st cartridge from the abyss. I hardly ever read the package within the package holding the product, but it was midnight and I was procrastinating finishing (okay...starting) my last paper.

Guess where this product came from!

Yep, you got it! This ink is a "Product of Puerto Rico".

Yes, there is a God and He's showing me what my future holds!

The Big 10,000

2007-12-03T22:11:00.000-08:00

Sesame Street taught me a lot! I watched that show all the time. Even when I was at BHS I spent part-time job earnings on Sesame Street products like the gem of 1997. However, I always thought that there was one character who taught me more than I will admit:

Count von Count.

Lately, I have become fascinated with numbers again (this has happened before: like when I started to read the Doctrine and Covenants when I had 138 days left on my mission or when I was turning 15 1/2 and wanted my drivers permit or when I could go on my first date or even better counting the days from when Jesica and I kissed the 1st time to when we kissed again as boyfriend and girlfriend). Though, I must give credit where credit is due - I always remember the Count when my time is spent counting.

And since I'm in a counting mood, today is a really important day for all kinds of reasons:

There are only 2 more days that I have to go to college, ever, this week. (Well, until I start my Masters program next year...)

In 5 days I will be walking in a cap and gown, with passion and gusto.

In 10 days I'm leaving on a jet plane...and the next day (in 11 days) we'll celebrate Jesica's 22nd birthday.

In 98 days we'll celebrate our 2nd Anniversary, but 4th year together as a couple!

In 226 days I'll be 28 - Yikes!

In 2782 days I can run for President - go get those absentee ballots!

And today, Monday, 3 December 2007, I am 10,000 days old!!

So, thank you kindly for any of you who helped me get this far...I CAN count!

Oh, and I usually don't say this, but, "Happy Birthday to me!"

Horror at Work

2007-11-27T21:37:00.000-08:00

On Halloween, Jesica and I (and some friends) discovered the joys and pains contained in silent movies. We, for the first time, experienced the horror that is Nosferatu. It actually was a little scary - in more ways than one...I mean, look at the guy, err monster. The point is, as we sat around and made fun of the movie with our friends, we were ingrained with the walk of the monster, with the look of the monster and with the creepy music that played throughout.

So, knowing that Nosferatu could be looming, even after his doomed ending in the movie, it is even scarier when you see someone walk like the monster. If you think that it is creepy on film, I can tell you of an office where you can see this hideous figure daily.

You may think this is rude and malicious - let me explain. She doesn't look like Nosferatu! She only walks like him, hovers like him and I feel the hair on the back of my neck raise as though creepy music is playing in tiny ear pieces I have yet to find when I see her walking towards me.

I'm actually glad that she isn't in my office. And fortunately for you, I won't tell you where to find her. Just know that she is out there waiting for your visit. When you see her, she'll have over-zealous eyes and a craving you just can't understand.

Thanksgiving Delights

2007-11-22T23:40:00.000-08:00

Every Thanksgiving for the last four years I've worn my favorite shirt. It is Christmas green and simply states with holly for quotation marks:

Holiday Magic

Jesica hates it with a passion! But she puts up with it because - well, I don't know why she puts up with it (maybe I should be worried). There are a great deal of things to be thankful for today and there is a certain kind of magic in the air. So, as we sat around the dinner table with her family, I stated a few things I am thankful for. The two items that top my list are: Family and a safe place where my family can reside and do what we want to do when we want to do it...

...within the bounds of the law.

But there are some other very important things and I'd like to thank a fellow student of mine in AP Literature in 12th grade - Charles "Chuck" Kidd - for engraving them in my mind. I have lots of quotations and stories to attribute to Chuck, yet one stands out every Thanksgiving.

We were discussing what we were doing for Thanksgiving. I discussed the Turkey bowl, key lime pie and a movie. He had only three things to discuss, as well, and then an exclamation. I'll forever remember his comment:

"Evan, I only have three things planned for Thanksgiving and school work is not one of them:

Eat,

Sleep,

and Watch Football...

GOD BLESS AMERICA!!"

Chuck, thank you kindly! Need I say more? Oh, Happy Thanksgiving!

Patent Pending

2007-11-21T19:40:00.000-08:00

When I was a kid we went to Galveston, TX. It was the only beach I knew (until we made it to FL for a vacation)...and I loved it. They had seashell shops by the seashore (say that three times fast). They had salt water taffy. They had those little shark heads with a handle at one end that made the shark bite two feet away.

Yeah, like that, but it was a red handle and it was really fun to pull hair with...I digress.

The point is, I got one of these in Galveston. I loved it and thought that it was really handy for a kid. But then I got to thinking about how beneficial it was because I was short. I could reach the snacks on top of the fridge without a chair, though they had to be light enough to grab and transport. So, my little genius mind began to turn.

The world needed a better grabby tool.

So, I began my creation. In less than a month, and with help from Dad, I had a nice grabby tool able to lift 10 lbs at a two foot distance away. It was made of wood and strong wire cables. It was perfect. And then it sat for years.

When I was a teenager, I saw the first one in a store.

Now you can purchase them anywhere and you can choose from 20" all the way to 48".

Recently, I've spoken a lot about the hope that someday someone will invent a DRR (not the Disneyland RailRoad or a Disaster Risk Recovery or a Digitally Reconstructed Radiograph, but a Digital Radio Recorder), much like a DVR (Digital Video Recorder or TIVO for those of you who like name brands - I have a Dual-Tuner myself), but for the radio.

Imagine listening to the radio and talking on the phone at the same time, but you're really involved on the phone and something is said on the radio that was really funny or controversial. But you don't know what it is because you were chatting on the phone. With a DRR you could easily rewind the radio and listen to what you missed.

Imagine, then, hearing a song that you just love and you don't have your mp3 player in the car. With a DRR you could listen to your song over and over and over again.

This is my idea don't steal it!

So, I missed out on the grabby tool. I'd like to make a DRR, but don't have the knowledge to do so. Then last week I went to the store and found another missed Opportunity.

No, I didn't invent York Peppermint Patties, but Jesica's mom gave me a recipe that I thought only she and I had yet discovered.

Holiday Brownies

They are fabulous. And I've only told a few people the secret recipe. Consequently, I was devastated when I got the bag home (and horded them in secret) because I saw the recipe for Holiday Brownies on the back of the bag of holiday packaged York Peppermint Patties.

Mofra, I'm sorry, Hershey stole our recipe!

What have I learned?

Well, if you have a dream, make it happen. Yeah, and don't let other people beat you to lots and lots of money!

I Did What?

2007-11-20T22:12:00.000-08:00

Today, in my class that I enjoy so much, I realized what Senator Craig (Rep. ID) must be feeling - that is if he really doesn't like men. Examine the picture below:

Those chairs are really close together...

Consequently, I apologized several times to Nila Loveall (my bright and stalwart friend through 3 crazy courses - who always saves me a seat, encourages me to study and frequently scores higher on tests, oh and is responsible) and this guy who couldn't stay on his side of the line.

I'm not a homophobe, but now, late at night, I want to know what the heck was up with this guy. He had a lisp. He nudged my foot. He rubbed elbows. His thigh twitched as he crossed his leg and bumped mine.

All that was lacking was a hand gesture under the partition. I don't know what else to say...

...except, thank you kindly, Nila, once again for taking notes in class - even if they are just notes of the crazy stuff Prof. Zentner spouts off!

The Morale Boost

2007-11-03T21:44:00.000-07:00

Just like any good employer Charter Communications (or their Business division - where I work) does many things to lighten the environment and bring more positive morale to the work place.

Take for instance the following:

Meet Captain Bundle!

He's all the Super-Hero rave. He has a sidekick: a hot Latina bilingual who not only tells customers and potential cable subscribers about the Triple-Play-Bundle, but also educates them about the Latino Tier and calling plans to Mexico that are 2nd to none.

So, every once and awhile we get actual comic strips about the most recent encounter Captain Bundle and his sidekick have with the bundle impostors. More on those at a later date.

But this week Charter provided some of us in Charter Business with another visitor. This guest doesn't have super powers or a handsome hair-do. It isn't "spicy" (unless you added some Tapatio) and it's not bilingual. It was cute, though, but probably not too friendly.

Here he is:

You may wonder why this brought such a morale boost to our team at Charter Business. I would have questioned it, too. But for any doubters out there just know this: Nina Gleichman never lies.

How could you argue with this?

They Really Got the Point!

2007-10-26T17:10:00.000-07:00

On the 28th of September I blogged about a flyer of businesses that was provided by the Press-Enterprise. I always thought that it said, Saving Sex Press. Well, it is quite possible that the beauties of modern technology led editors to my Blog (yeah, right!).

Consequently, I was extremely excited when, yesterday, I got the following in the mail:

Now, that says Savings Express! I'm glad that I've saved countless thousands from the faulty morality of the press!

Video Killed the Radio Star

2007-10-24T20:59:00.000-07:00

Saturday, the 27th of October, I start my very limited career in radio. You'll hear me and my boss's boss on the radio between 3pm and 5pm. Yes, on the radio - KTIE 590.

I'm the guy who hated to take voice lessons because you had to listen to your own voice. I didn't even like the short TV spot for Boy Scouts I did when I was a kid.

But this time around, I'm kind of excited, actually. You can find more information about the host here: Let's Dine Out. It was a lot to eat this evening, but I think the time on air will be well worth the cost of pounding down food. Tune in, because we'll be talking about the pictures below:

Yes, I tasted my fair portion of each of the dishes above...and it was free. On Saturday, I get to discuss what I thought of each of the platters...

Tune in for a good time, and maybe a laugh!

In This Very Room

2007-10-11T22:24:00.001-07:00

In this building, in the door to the right, I got my sleep on, in class tonight. It just wasn't as exciting as usual. It's a good thing, though, that the lecture hall for PSCI 203 (which, incidentally, is the same classroom where I took a class called Race and Racism) has tiny little pull-out-desks from between the seats. Perhaps you've seen the kind before. So, every time I would nod off with my chin in my palm and my elbow on the desk I would jerk violently downward...and wake up.

But amidst my dozing, I did hear some of my favorite parts of history. The Northwest Ordinance. The Louisiana Purchase. The Missouri Compromise. The Spanish-American War. Everything leading up to the Civil War. These men who compromised to appease the slave holders of the South really kept the country together amidst unspeakable odds.

Anyway, that's a little deep for this blog, so I return to Dr. Zentner and his ever lively comments.

6:04 "Don't get comfortable." Guess I missed this one while I was sleeping...oops!

6:16 "Let's say we combine California and Nevada...let's call it Californianevada."

6:25 "Don't push me too hard or I'll get in the fetal position and hide under the table." This was after a student brought up a theoretical nuclear explosion in Nevada that forced its inhabitant's out of the state. So, the question was whether or not Nevada would still be a state.

6:52 "It's a moot point. Do you know what I mean by a moot point?" Wow! This really is a Freshmen class if he has to explain that!

6:54 "That's why Arnold doesn't have his own army..." Not sure where that one came from. I had a head jerk at 6:53.

7:23 "My man, Napoleon...he's a sexy guy! I lie awake dreaming of Napoleon." This was after his discussion of arguably the best real estate purchase ever!

Finally, this was after our enlightenment about the Kurds:

7:29 "Are we going to Police all those who need our protection throughout the world? I SAY HE^& YEAH!"

Someday...

2007-10-10T20:35:00.000-07:00

Freshman Political Science should be easy. So, when I took the midterm yesterday I was the second one finished. The only problem is that I hope that the questions that I know I got wrong don't come back to haunt me in any future endeavors in public administration.

Staying on topic (Political Science class - in case you forgot or lost interest), I have a timeline of wits of wisdom from my PS professor.

6:20 - Evan's late to class because of the 15 mile, 1 hour drive. Luckily, no comment.

6:25 - While speaking about the Small Republic Theory of government - "Here's where it gets esoteric and a little sexy."

6:37 - A discussion on why members of congress get paid - "You want congressmen to make more money so they don't get bribed."

6:45 - I'm not sure - "I'm getting confused; losing track of where I've been from day to day."

6:48 - Speaking of a student in the front row - "He's a murdering bastard and needs to be whacked...that's justice!"

6:53 - Telling us the difference between Federalists and anti-Federalists - "Madison's whole argument is like a pre-emptive strike against Marx's argument."

6:55 - Wondering why we have to spend so much time explaining the Constitution - "The 18th Century prose is sometimes hard for undergrads to understand."

7:12 - Speaking of Hitler and Marx and Freud and a bunch of other people - "Almost all of the bad ideas of the 20th century came out of Germany."

7:13 - I think this next one came from the discussion of Freud - "We're all involved in sex."

7:23 - A mere 10 minute span - "We're all stupid differently."

7:25 - A discussion on factions - "I wish I were a janitor; then I would be left alone. My whole goal in life is to be left alone."

7:29 - After telling us that Madison is a little Machiavelli and Napoleonic - "Napoleon kicked a%&. He would always kick a%&! Isolate the main body and crush them!"

7:39 - Yes, the protection of differing faculties is the first object of government - "I'm a bit of a crooner."

7:42 - He defined republics and democracies and how Madison favors republics - "Add this to your list of things to make you sound smart at a cocktail party."

7:45 - The explanation we came to class for - "You don't vote because you don't have to!"

Can you believe this guy? I think that I now know why he has asked us not to record his lectures...at least I don't fall asleep in this class!

Just Once...maybe.

2007-10-01T23:46:00.000-07:00

Do you know how almost every sitcom (or some other kind of trendy TV show) has at least one episode that is a musical? I think that almost every Blog at one point or another has a poem. I like that word: poem. I wish you could hear Emily Combs say, "Poem." I haven't heard anyone else say, "Poem," like she did. It was like "pohy-im". Funny stuff...

So, I've succumb and thought that I should post one of my favorite poems for you to read. Enjoy!

OUT of the night that covers me,

Black as the Pit from pole to pole,

I thank whatever gods may be

For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance

I have not winced nor cried aloud.

Under the bludgeonings of chance

My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears

Looms but the Horror of the shade,

And yet the menace of the years

Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,

How charged with punishments the scroll,

I am the master of my fate:

I am the captain of my soul.

--William Ernest Henley

The What?!?

2007-09-28T22:27:00.000-07:00

I get one of these every week. It comes in the mail courtesy of our local newspaper (because I don't have a subscription) and has actually saved me some moolah on my vehicles. And with any luck, tomorrow it will give me an iPod Shuffle free of charge when I test drive a Kia in the IE!

(Though there are those around me that feel I don't need an iPod because I sing too much, too often, with too many songs always popping into my head as it is...)

Anyway, I post it here for one simple reason: when I see this I don't see Savings Express. Instead, I see three very different words and wonder how often an editor at the Press says, "Maybe we should rename this savings mailer. What do you think you, Cornelius?" or something to that affect...

Perhaps the Savings Express should be marketed with a locomotive or an express jet that carries you quickly to savings for Smog, insulated windows, free iPods, roofing, garage doors, cleaning of all kinds and other various sales or discounts. And it conveniently comes via my favorite USPS carrier.

Its just that I read it, as stated, differently:

Saving Sex Press

See what I mean?

My Recent Trade-Off

2007-09-27T20:34:00.000-07:00

Before the 10 FWY on my way home this evening, I was full of vivacity, excited to come home and Blog like this:

Goodbye, Nathan's Famous and all the fun that the in-laws and I had watching a new world record on the 4th of July! And welcome back America's Favorite Hot Dog!

Yes, I've driven by you every morning on my way to work and every evening on my way to school, craving the succulent tastes that you so wonderfully push the boundaries of! I've laid you aside for a healthier lifestyle of Wendy's salads, a bi-weekly visit to Anchos, and the home-cooked meal. But I've put off a Mustard-Pretzel Dog and my cravings for your sacred tastes for much too long.

And that's why I visited your window this evening. I spoke with you through the call box and you asked me to pull forward and trade my mere pennies for delectable deliciousness. I could actually smell the scrumptious that I was about to partake of. In fact, I love that you aren't ritzy but have the accent of a beautiful vision South of the Border.

So, as I retrieved my ambrosia and pulled forward to leave a better man I was surprised that you summed me back to you with an urgent wave. Of course, this time I didn't suppress your beckoning call. I returned only to be asked to give my bag of goodness back. To my surprise you gave me the wrong feast of refreshment. But to my abundance of joy you informed me that I almost took home a salami creation made for a fellow enthusiast of your keen sense of flavor!

And then, as I almost left your presence with my Mustard Pretzel Dog and Bacon Chicken Sandwich with fries and a Mug Root Beer close to my side, I posed the question: "Does this petty mistake issue me a free ice cream cone?"

You said, "Yes!"

And it brought a tear to my eye. In fact, I'm all emotional inside, now, as I sit and type about our night of captivation.

And that is why I've said goodbye to eating contests and welcome back, to you, Weinerschnitzel!

That's how I planned it until the 10 Freeway.

As I sipped on my root beer, having already snarfed down the free ice cream, I reached into the bag (that I didn't double check this time) and reached for hot and steamy fries that weren't there. They weren't there. I can only assume they gave them to someone else and didn't stop them before they drove off. I can literally see the person in front of me in the drive-thru giggling because they got extra fries! Jerks!

My life changed on that overpass. It may be awhile before I return, but I can pose one question:

How many calories did I not consume in my trade-off of fries for an ice cream cone?

Learn This, Mr. President

2007-09-25T20:46:00.000-07:00

Perhaps you haven't heard that this is the end of undergraduate work for me...or at least until I decide to teach later in life (hah! like I'd get hired to teach).

Anyway, I'm taking the equivelent of Freshman Political Science: Political Science 203. So, we've started with the Declaration of Independence (as opposed to say the Magna Carta or the Mayflower Pact). I love this document and I'm glad that before we started discussing it, we discussed being open.

So, other than learning that there is an idiot in the front row, who can't put her hand down, who interjects incredibly annoying comments and asks ignoramous questions like "where can I find a copy of the Declaration of Independence" and "which book do we read from when your syllabus states: American: 'something'? Is that the Amercian government one or the California one?", here are some things that I jotted down in the first two class periods:

The Humane Society is not like PETA.

If there is no reason, there is no freedom. If there is perfect reason, there is no freedom. Only with man's imperfect reason is there freedom.

A=B

B=C

A=C

The movie 300 is really dipicting Spartans as all of Greece.

It's better to miss class for a sporting event or a concert than for work.

All truth is relative.

Before you can be critical, you have to be sufficiently open to learn

And finally, my professor looks like Lord Voldemort!

The Last Day of Summer...Ever!

2007-09-24T22:15:00.001-07:00

Last Wednesday, the 19th, I made a pact with myself. You see, I've only achieved straight A's a few times in my college career in any given semester/quarter and it was usually when I had three classes and two of them were music classes. So, on my last day of summer, ever, (because after December it is work, work, work, for a year and then MBA or Juris Doctorate or something which won't allow a summer and then work, work, work until retirement) I decided to get straight A's my last quarter in school!

I was totally excited! I went to school on Thursday and realized that the Freshman political science class that I've put off for so long is going to be incredibly easy! Yeah! I thought that I had it made...

Until today. So, far today I've purchased the following:

Oh, then I purchased the following book, this many times:

$150.00, and then $112.00 and finally $74.00 for these last three.

I didn't care about about the money even though all of them together were well, well a lot. What I do care about is the fact that this is my last freaking quarter at CSUSB and I have 10 books to read! 10!

What's up with that?

The Reusable Jar

2007-09-23T22:02:00.000-07:00

For the last few months we have had a jar on the hutch in our dining room where we have collected change and miscellaneous funding (a.k.a. - recycling, loose/found change, and penalties for saying words or phrases the other hates) in hopes of saving enough for a Digital Camera. It may sound funny, but it has helped our binge-spending and has us really excited about a new camera!

Yesterday, we got it! It wasn't terribly expensive, but it is a huge step above the family name reusable ones I've purchased since Jesica's camera was stolen. Amazingly, it's also better than the built in variety on a cell phone.

Now, the The Digital Camera Fund has become The Better Sucking Vacuum Fund. But don't worry, we still vacuum once a week and it still works wonderfully well - we'd just like an upgrade - and we're excited!

Making it Legal...

2007-08-29T21:12:00.000-07:00

Oral contracts are binding, it's just that often it is hard to enforce them.

However, everyone knows that a written agreement is more enforceable in court. So, here is a very condensed agreement (without proper verbage and clauses, no penalty for breach, etc.), in writing, of the oral agreement Jes and I made this morning.

In the Fall Semester Jesica agrees to get straight A's in her classes.

Upon completion of the Fall Semester and her completion of the terms of the agreement a trip to Europe and her choice of Italy, Spain, or France will be provided during Spring Break 2008!

Terms are subject to change...

Customer Service 101

2007-08-28T21:00:00.000-07:00

I used to be a trainer in customer service for ClientLogic (a major call center outsource center). It was tough because I had to train people how to talk with common sense to people who were irate or just didn't know what they were talking about...usually because of some employee who neglected the customer's wishes in the first place. So, I think that I could probably teach some of the employees that try to help me in businesses.

Take, for example, Cameo. It was a simple purchase - I was just getting a USB extension cable. She took forever to ring up the woman in front of me in line and finally I placed the cable in front of her. She rang it up while speaking with her coworker and then the phone rang.

I'm sure you can guess that she answered it, but it seemed that she had just left another job: She answered, "Thank you for calling Wal-Mart...I mean OfficeMax. How can I help you?"

Though it was everything I could do not to laugh, I kind of felt bad for her. I felt bad, until I realized that she didn't excuse herself to answer the phone and then didn't apologize for the four minute phone conversation about her favorite store to shop at: Sears. What's worse? Not only did she not apologize, she didn't say anything the rest of the transaction...which lasted another 5 minutes. I almost went into training mode, but my wise better-half held my arm to notify me to shut-up!

So, next time you're at OfficeMax I hope that Cameo doesn't make an appearance to "help!"

He's Back

2007-08-21T19:49:00.001-07:00

To protect his identity, I took a picture of the man arrested last Thursday, from behind. Yes, he rides a motorcycle. Yes, he loves Hooters. Yes, he actually is quite knowledgeable in most things business related. And yes, he is back in school...but probably without a knife.

Oh, and do you see that water bottle in the foreground? It will bring me 4 cents closer to a rockin' digital camera!

Is Honesty Unjust?

2007-08-20T20:46:00.000-07:00

"Soon we must all face the choice between what is right and what is easy."

-Albus Dumbledore to Harry Potter after the return of He Who Must Not Be Named.

Thursday night 2 1/2 hours into my four hour nap time (otherwise known as Strategic Management or Management - Senior Assessment or Mgmt 490) four police officers stuck their heads in the door and two of them strolled almost to the end of the table farthest from me where there was an empty chair that, before break, was home to a young woman who sits with her friend every class. There was much commotion as the Prof. tried to continue to have class until the male officer took him into the hallway.

This left the female officer speaking with the absent girl's friend and those around the empty chair. Finally, trying to figure out what they were saying, I saw what all the commotion was about: the female officer picked up a knife with the blade already unfolded that had been sitting on the table hidden from my view by our course book.

We were stunned. We knew that the blade was over 2 1/2 inches and knew that the girl that it belonged to was out of school for good - her last class? And she gets kicked out of school for violating the weapon policy! Bummer!

Then, as the friend described how the girl found the knife in a chair she chose to swap with her own during the break, and as the officer was leaving the room carrying the weapon with blue rubber gloves in front of her like a dead squirrel, the business savvy motorcyle rider in class piped up:

"I think that that may be mine..."

Doh! All he had to do was keep his mouth shut and buy a new knife! But he was honest and probably saved some girl from misery and toil through the night. Unfortunately, all that stuff up there about the last class before graduation now pertains to him. I know that he violated the weapon policy. I also know that I'll forever remember his moment of honesty. It is too bad that the cops didn't see it that way:

08-16-2007 2000-0800
Case #07-0756 / Possession of Weapon on Campus (626.10 PC)
Description: At approximately 8:55 pm, officers responded to Jack Brown Hall regarding a found knife in a classroom. Upon further investigation the knife was found to belong to a male student, who was subsequently arrested for possessing a knife with a blade more than 2 1/2 inches.
Disposition: Arrest

Forty-Something

2007-08-12T20:15:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday, Moprah! Saturday was Jesica's mother's birthday. And unlike some Mother-In-Laws, mine is actually (yes, I'm going to say it) the bomb-diggity!

Does your Mother-In-Law fight with other swimmers in a game of grab the Toypedo before anyone else does?

Does your Mother-In-Law tell you crazy stories about the incredibly large body parts (parts that you hope don't enlarge on your body) she encounters in her work as a nurse?

Does your Mother-In-Law read Cosmo?

Does your Mother-In-Law really understand your spouse enough to pat you on the back with reassurance?

Does your Mother-In-Law call herself Moprah?

No? Too, bad for you...

Happy Birthday and thank you kindly for being a great influence in my life and for raising an incredibly wonderful woman! I'm glad to be in your family!

Also, for any of you who actually read this Blog, the answer to my last posting, a.k.a. my Hero, is Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain.

Can You Guess My Hero?

2007-08-08T20:43:00.000-07:00

Can you guess who this person is?

Professor of Rhetoric and seminary teacher and president of a college.

Wounded six times in six different battles and had six horses killed while riding them.

Shot through the hips from Right to Left.

Lt. Colonel, Colonel, Brigadier General, Brevet Major General, Govenor.

Recieved a Congressional Medal of Honor through the mail.

Knew the author of Uncle Tom's Cabin.

Are you close? At least there is a time frame and a location... Any guesses?

Here is a picture to help:

Core Competencies

2007-08-07T21:11:00.000-07:00

This evening during my four hour class I woke up for 2 important concepts: Core Competencies and Distinctive Competencies.

Core Competency - something you are good at.

Distinctive Competency - something only you can do.

So, Mr. Donohoo stated that we are to defend Core Competencies as they may develop into Distinctive Competencies...like something that you've been doing and then patent. Anyway, he stated that his daughter has this great Core Competency that he thinks is so neat! It went like this:

"My daughter has this thing she does with a maraschino cherry. She puts the whole thing in her mouth, stem and all, and then spits out the stem after she has tied it in a knot with her tongue."

We all know people who can do this...everyone in the class knows what it means. I sure do because I can tie a stem with my tongue.

Foolishly, though, I was the only one that was brave enough to blurt out and shame the Profs daughter:

"That means she's a good kisser!"

Apparently, now that he knows my name and will never forget me, he is going home to have a conversation with his daughter.

At least I got a laugh from the class...

Waste of Time

2007-07-31T19:53:00.000-07:00

There are many things that have been categorized as a waste of time. My mom made it easy to find things that were a waste of time that I did: TV, computer games, toys, uh...too many dates with girls that I knew wouldn't be my wife. You get the picture!

Anyway, everyone also hates it when other people waste their time. You know like teachers who expect you to come to class, but they don't teach. Or construction workers who ask you to pick up blank checks and then don't even freaking use them to get excavation permits. Ooh, and a waiter who never brings the check when you've finished eating for over an hour.

I haven't Blogged in almost two months. So, those of you who actually check to see if I ever Blog, I'm sorry if I've wasted your time! But it is now Summer Break again and I plan to Blog everyday of summer break...no matter how long it is!!

Walker

2007-06-02T20:32:00.000-07:00

You've seen him before. You know who he is and whether you call him Cordell Walker, or that guy that just kills people in MIA and Delta Force, or maybe that guy that sells the Total Gym, you still know that he'd kick your trash in an alley or a rooftop, a closet or a stadium.
Jesica recently found a book with items published from Chuck Norris Facts.com. Amazing and he's from Oklahoma! Here are some of the entries in no particular order:

1. Chuck Norris created the hole in the ozone layer "to get a better look at the sun."
2. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
3. Chuck Norris is suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
4. Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
5. Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
6. Chuck Norris's hand is the only hand that can beat a royal flush.
7. There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
8. Chuck Norris's family crest is a picture of a barracuda eating Neil Armstrong.
9. When Chuck Norris claps, the lights always turn on...even if he doesn't have a clapper.
10. When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.
11. Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books. The words assemble themselves out of fear.
12. Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his rage.
13. Chuck Norris has to use a stunt double for only one kind of scene - a crying scene.
14. Chuck Norris doesn't have blood. He is filled with magma.
15. When Chuck Norris wants an egg, he cracks open a chicken.
16. Chuck Norris once rode a nine-foot grizzly bear through an automatic car wash instead of taking a shower.
17. Chuck Norris never has to wax his skis because they're always slick with blood.
18. Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch. He decides what time it is.
19. Chuck Norris destroyed the Periodic Table because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.
20. When Chuck Norris does division there are no remainders.
21. Chuck Norris is the only person in the world who can actually email a roundhouse kick to your face.
22. Chuck Norris played Russian roulette with a fully loaded gun...and won.
23. Chuck Norris has 12 moons. One of them is Earth.
24. Chuck Norris' house has no doors - only walls that he walks through.
25. It is believed dinosaurs are extinct because of a giant meteor. This is true if you want to call Chuck Norris a giant meteor.
By the way, if you stare at this picture of Chuck for extended periods of time without proper eye protection it will cause blindness and possibly foot-size bruises on your face, though you can click it for his personal website that he personally welcomes you to.

Cream in Laguna

2007-05-29T20:38:00.000-07:00

The definition of laguna: a bay, inlet, or other narrow or shallow body of water. The definition of Laguna Beach? Fun in the Sun (near the shallow body of water). Today you can see the effects of the sun on me after our wonderful time on Memorial Day. I've been called red, rosy, stupid, and white boy. And asked by each of those accusers if I knew what sun screen was.
Is it really necessary to remind me of my lack of color? When I hold my arm up to my wife's and her little sister we find that the coloration goes from cream to caramel to chocolate.

The only problem today is that I am now more of a strawberry cream - and I'm hungry!

Woah!

2007-05-21T00:10:00.000-07:00

So, after my nap and nap-blog yeserday, I started to do some homework. But I really just clicked that Next Blog link at the top of the page...and kept clicking it.

I came to the sad realization (again) that I am not a Blogger. I found all kinds of stuff. I don't have links, but here is a list of some of the most common and/or wacky topics I found (in no particular order, but numbered for your convenience):

1. Goofy Naked Children - some parent that loves to take pictures of their naked kids
2. People in Love with Animals - squirrels eating from a pizza box, a dog's travels, and a pet's blog - psycho...
3. A woman who Makes a Pair of Socks a Month - oh and there is a picture for each month's contribution.
4. Mormon Haters - Wow! I thought I found some of these serving a mission and have been reprimanded by even more since...apparently there are a lot more out there.
5. Christian Haters - Jerry Fallwell's death pulled them out of the closet...get it?
6. Homosexual Haters - Apparently, people have found it in themselves to hate from the last three numbers...wierd!
7. Sex craved citizens - If you choose not to see various body parts exposed be careful hitting that Next Blog link. I'm glad I've chosen not to take such pictures of myself and I think I'm a handsome man...
8. Burnt Tortillas - Yes, someone actually makes tortillas and shows before and after pictures (uncooked/cooked)...interesting, yes, but kind of like watching paint dry.
9. Beautiful Landscape Pictures - I'm kinda thinking that I should put some more of these up of Oklahoma.
10. Why Blog - This was actually helpful, though if you read it, you find that you don't really learn anything.
11. Geneology - Did you know that this is one of the fastest growing hobbies - have you read the last two scriptures in the Old Testament?
12. Poetry - I should write more of this, though my poetry is more Suessistic.
13. Travel Logs - Apparently, there are some people in the world that just travel and Blog about it - Oh the life!
14. My Blog - I think that I have no direction in Blogging. I hope that it makes someone smile though...that is, if I ever Blog. Maybe I use too much punctuation for anyone to really get it; perhaps punctuation detracts from the overall purpose of my posts?
15. And my favorite of the day - A new Fan!

So, here is to you Bloggers out there looking to make a name for yourself. Whether you're wasting time, avoiding homework, making money, or keeping in touch, you've made the world a better place - thank you kindly!

Sweet Sleep...

2007-05-20T20:01:00.000-07:00

Sunday afternoon may be the best time of the week! You know what I'm getting at (considering the title) - a nap. We were out kind of late last night and got up on time for our Sunday activities, came home and clonked out. I'm talking serious sleep time! 4 hours of complete relaxation. I don't think that I've done that for ages. When did you last take a four hour nap? I'm not rubbing it in, but I'll bet you're jealous...and that's okay. Try it next week and you'll be ready for a new week!

Memories of my Mother!

2007-05-17T22:46:00.000-07:00

Now, my Mom never made me stand in front of my school for punishment as seen here (go ahead and click the picture for the full story).

But, I do have some crazy stories of how my Mom tried to cure my issues during my schooling years:

1. I went to preschool twice - my Mom held preschool for 12 children in our playroom and because I started young, I went twice.

2. 2nd Grade - On the intercom in class I was told to come to the principle's office. Once there, I was instructed to walk home (one mile) to make my bed.

3. K-5 - My Mom was the playground lady...all 6 years! I thought that it was kinda cool, but when I fought other kids, my punishment was so much harsher.

4. 6-8 - She was the lunch lady for these three years. My friends and I had a belching contest and only my best friend and I got kicked out of the cafeteria.

5. 6-8 - These were the only years that I rode the bus to school. I rode the bus because it was too far to walk (4 miles if you Mapquest it and then add some time for a kid walking). The point is this: if I missed the bus...I walked! In fact, my assistant principle (ironically named Mr. Rule) just waived my tardies because my Mom would call him while I was walking. I guess he loved to side with my Mom on disciplinary action.

6. 11-12 - She was a snack shack volunteer for break periods.

Maybe you noticed the lack of 9th and 10th grade, but that is for another Blog. Throughout my schooling, my friends loved my Mom. They were always welcome at our house, we had a great playroom, the fridge was available to anyone, and my Mom was always cooler at school events to them. Though I was embarrassed often, I look back and now, I wouldn't have wished it any other way!

Thank you kindly, Mom - love ya!

Today in History for the Birthday Men

2007-05-11T08:34:00.000-07:00

So, I really didn't do much research on this one...that would have been a little creepy. I mean I love my brother Jon and Boone is great, but that I would take a grip of time to research their special day may have been a little much. However, everyday I get an email from Reference.com so today here is a copy of this day in History with some additions by me:

Feast day of St. Comgall, St. Credan, St. Maieul, St. Tudy, St. Ansfrid, St Walter of l'Esterp, St. Richard Reynolds, St. Francis di Girolamo, St. Ignatius of Laconi, St. Asaph, St. Gengulf, and Mamertus.
Jamaica: Bob Marley Day (memorializing his death in 1981).

Events:
1647 - Peter Stuyvesant arrived in New Amsterdam to become governor.
1858 - Minnesota became the 32nd state of the Union.
1910 - Glacier National Park in Montana was established.
1946 - The first CARE packages arrived in Europe, at Le Havre, France.
1947 - B.F. Goodrich Co. of Akron, Ohio, announced the development of a tubeless tire.
1949 - Israel was admitted to the United Nations. 1949 - Siam changed its named to Thailand. 1969 - The Monty Python comedy troupe is formed, with Monty Python's Flying Circus first airing on October 5, 1969.
1980 - Mobster Henry Hill busted on drug possession.
1984 - Haunted Castle at Six Flags Great Adventure burns down, killing 8, A transit of Earth from Mars takes place.
1997 - "Deep Blue," an IBM computer, defeated Garry Kasparov in a six-game chess match, who lost the match 2.5 to 3.5.
1998 - A French mint produced the first Euro coins of the 12 European Union member countries, collectively known as the Eurozone/Euroland.

Births:
1803 - Hector Berlioz, French composer.
1854 - Ottmar Mergenthaler, German-born American inventor of Linotype.
1888 - Irving Berlin, Russian-born American composer.
1894 - Martha Graham, American dancer, choreographer, pioneer of modern dance.
1904 - Salvador (Felipe Jacinto) Dalí (y Domenech), Spanish surrealist artist.
1912 - Phil Silvers (Silversmith), Emmy Award-winning American comedian, actor.
1980 - Justin Boone Botkin, future American Senator from Utah, future president of NACTA, poker genius-winner of World Series of Poker 2010.
1984 - Jonathan Gillis Eastman, future former American-born Latvian ambassador to the UN, future Cello playing bass operatic soloist and conductor for the Bartlesville Symphony.

Deaths:
1812 - British prime minister Spencer Perceval, assassinated in the House of Commons.

Happy Birthday!

2007-05-10T23:26:00.000-07:00

May 11th!

Here is to my musically-inclined, Cardinal loving, not-so-little brother and Anchos serving, Utah loving, air-controlling friend!

to both of you, I mean:
"daudz laimes dzimšanas dienā!" and "feliz cumpleaños!"

Senorita = Lovely Wife

2007-05-05T22:47:00.000-07:00

Happy Cinco de Mayo!

In honor of Cinco de Mayo my wife spoke Spanish for a good part of the day. She also spouted some history to increase my knowledge. Did you know that most Mexicans do not celebrate Cinco de Mayo? Usually, it is Mexican-Americans who celebrate this holiday. Amazing...

So, here is to the woman that works hard, studies hard, laughs hard and loves wonderfully. She is truly an inspiration (and she usually keeps me from looking like an idiot)!

Thank you kindly!

PS She smells really good wearing Wild Honeysuckle, too.

Don't say that!

2007-04-30T22:36:00.000-07:00

There are two phrases that I hate to hear, because the people that say them don't realize that they're ignorantly (not stupidly) saying them.

Here they are (by the way I heard one man say them over and over and over again in the incredibly long line at CVS/Pharmacy tonight):

"ATM machine" &
"PIN number"

If you're wondering why this bothers me, just say what the ATM and PIN really are:

Automated Teller Machine &
Personal Identification Number

So, next time you're at the ATM be sure to use your PIN - thank you, kindly!

I Watch - Dodgers Win

2007-04-29T20:32:00.000-07:00

The Dodgers, to date, have played 25 games. I have watched 15 of those. They have won 15 games. I've watched every game that they've won. The games I didn't watch? They lost.

I think that I should get paid for watching the Dodgers this season. Any takers? Mr. McCourt? Mr. Colletti? Mr. Little?

What I learned at Dinner...

2007-04-20T22:24:00.000-07:00

This evening Jesica and I shared a little home made goodness and a very intriguing conversation. Though, most of our conversations are intriguing, I learned three things that I probably should have known. In fact, the term uncultured came up. Did you know this stuff?

1. The mom should not "throw" a bridal shower for the daughter.
2. The mom should not "throw" a baby shower for the daughter.
3. Honey never goes bad and some honey has honey as the third ingredient.

So, go now and live your life a smarter, wiser person.

Birthday and See's

2007-04-11T22:15:00.000-07:00

Krista Beyeler has her birthday on April 11th!!! Yea, Krista!

So, I love Scotchmallows! There really isn't a better confection at See's Candy (in fact, I would rate them right next to Cadbury Eggs and just before Bordeaux candies also found at See's). If you haven't tried one, go tomorrow (or today) and get one. You won't regret it.

Last night, I opened up my little Easter box and found that there was only one Scotchmallow. Being a gentleman and wonderful husband I left it there thinking that Jesica would appreciate the thought.

Later in the evening I grabbed the box and informed her that there was one and only one Scotchmallow - and I left it for her. So I took the lid off to hand her the box and found that it had already disappeared...

Thank you kindly...

I don't know how to write a blog.

2007-04-10T20:45:00.000-07:00

I started this blog twice. Had Jes read it once and realized it was more like a research paper than a blog.

Happy Easter!

2007-04-08T13:20:00.000-07:00

Today is Easter Sunday and I am so glad that the Easter Bunny found my basket! There is nothing better than Cadbury Eggs and an Easter tie. Thank you kindly, oh wise Bunny!

I don't need to explain the reason for celebrating Easter (empty tomb and eternal forgiveness), but it was interesting stepping out my door this morning, tying my tie, and looking at my neighbors, who also were on their way out.

You may have read that Jesica and some other neighbors have deemed them the Addams Family compared to Jesica and I. So, I greeted them with my usual smile and a "Happy Easter". They informed me that they were going to do some Black Easter thing. They were all in black and got into their black Scion and left.

Though I'm not really sure if that is what they were doing, or if they just wanted to see my reaction (which was a simple "Oh, have a great time"), I know that they must have been referring to a 1968 book about how an arms dealer requested a black magician to release the demons from hell. So, if you're reading this, this is not what they did today.

I like Resurrection, triumph-over-death, Easter much better!

Yard Sale and Tacos

2007-04-08T13:09:00.000-07:00

On Mulberry St., in downtown Riverside, there is a family that has a yard sale every weekend. I, loving yard sales, drive down the street between 1st and Spruce, just to see what they have to offer each Saturday. This week's offerings included 3 computer monitors and 5 printers. They stunningly weren't there last week. Yet, the most amazing viewing was the sign advertizing the sale, posted on a box.

It read:

Yard Sale and Tacos.

Don't those two go together? So, I though about other funny signs that I've seen in Riverside and found this one on the computer that had been taken in 2005. This is located on Jurupa Ave. though I can imagine finding it on University...

A "look-alike" to me...

2007-04-07T22:14:00.000-07:00

There are many, many people that look like each other. I've been told that I look like Robert Downey, Jr. (I don't think so - how times has he been in rehab?) I've also heard that I, sometimes have an appearance like Ryan Seacrest...Some of the dispatchers at Charter Communications even insist that I leave the room with the statement: "Seacrest, Out." I just feel like I look like Evan Eastman - but not the game warden or the kick boxer.

But I have often found that some famous people look like other famous people - like Uma Thurman (in My Super Ex-Girlfriend) and Tina Fey. As I watched American Idol the other night, I came to the sad realization that this is only too true with those who are not family members as well..

I'm speaking of the one and only Sanjaya Malakar. I'm sure that you can picture him, even with a Mohawk. I'm sure you can also see the audience cringe at the site of him. My though was: "I've seen this guy before." Then I realized where I'd seen him - Star Wars. Yes, that's right! Sanjaya Malakar is also Anakin Skywalker better known as Darth Vader. I think that this is the only reason that he is still in the competition. Here are some pictures to verify my findings...

The Class

2007-03-31T21:09:00.000-07:00

Jesica is Winning!

She is still four percentage points ahead of me in our Statistics class. What's worse is that I'm still not even enrolled.

Way to go Jesica!!

Isn't it Ironic? Don't you think?

2007-03-19T21:56:00.000-07:00

So, I didn't do so well with the everyday Blogging goal. However, I think that I can get every other day down so that I may actually have consistent readers. Have you been to this site before?

Anyway, today I wanted to discuss, briefly, my long lost family members still located in the British Isles. Okay, so they may not be related to me at all, but have you heard about that crazy flight from Delhi to London? Well, let me tell you.

Before you go on, you may take offense to the following story. This is not meant to be offensive or disrespectful. Just merely a lesson in rhetoric - isn't it ironic?

An elderly woman in coach was upgraded from her seat, just after take off, with her family to 1st class. Unfortunately, she didn't share the excitement that I would have if I had the opportunity to fly first class. Lucky for those in coach, however, it didn't cost the family any money. The poor woman died in coach and the crew had to move the body. She just died. The "crew were working in difficult circumstances and chose the option they thought would cause least disruption". So they put her in 1st class. Least disruption? Tell that to the unfortunate Paul Trinder. The man is now famous for sitting next to a corpse that kept slipping off of the seat because of turbulence.

Okay, enough of that...I'm not sure what I would have chosen to do in that case - maybe find an airport close and disembark and load the body in the cargo hold? Or perhaps place the woman respectfully in the very back of the plane covered by a blanket? Or maybe it was just honorable of British Airways to, one time in the woman's life (or lack thereof), upgrade her to 1st class? But she couldn't even enjoy it!

So, here is to the irony that is: your replacement getting an office because you made the job worthwhile.
So, here is to the irony that is: the employee you're training making more money than you.
So, here is to the irony that is: craving the popcorn at the bottom of the bag because you think it might have more butter and finding that you only get more kernel.
So, here is to the irony that is: a free upgrade when you're no longer alive to use it.

Bummer...and thank you kindly British Airways for thinking of her honor!

2007-03-17T23:04:00.000-07:00

When I was in 6th grade I had to give a report on Ireland. I actually chose to do this country because there was a girl in my ward that had just returned from her mission there. She was kind enough to allow me to take her scrapbook. This was handy because I just covered some of her strange pictures and goofy comments with some that made sense for a 6th grade report. I think that this shows that it isn't always what you know that matters.

Anyway, since it is St. Patrick's Day I thought that I would share some conviviality that has helped me enjoy March 17th every year I've been alive.

Green Shamrock Pancakes - I love to add food coloring to different culinary items. There is nothing better than the creation of a pancake shaped like a Shamrock! Ooh, and some green milk really helps those go down.

Darby O'Gill and the Little People - I once heard that if a movie has either monkeys or little people it's a good movie. I would just like to add that Sean Connery singing makes a movie great, too! By the way, thanks to Sean Connery's singing, I have wooed many young maidens.

Green Clothing - A nice green shirt always brightens the day. I know that pink is the new black and that lime green is the new pink, but a clover-colored shirt shows that you don't only have to have beer to celebrate St. Patty.

Corn Beef and Cabbage - This is surely an acquired taste and I find that there are a lot of seasoned adults that crave this stuff. There must be a reason you can't find it in a microwavable meal. The problem is that I kind of like it, so my wife must be right about my age...

Easter Candy - I don't know if you've noticed but there isn't a whole lot of St. Patrick's Day candy. Eating clovers from the Oklahoma ground is actually great, but they are a little sour, so with the help of an over-eager confection industry I have already been thankful for that rabbit that lays those beautiful Cadbury Eggs. It was a happy day when CVS/Pharmacy stocked their shelves with those eggs of goodness.

So, next year involve these 5 items in your St. Patrick's Day celebration and you'll be wishing you were leaning backwards with your feet in the air kissing the Blarney Stone so you can be more persuasive throughout the year!!

The Beginning

2007-03-15T21:29:00.000-07:00

Jesica applied to Cal State Fullerton today. I am such a proud husband. It is a little depressing though that she'll be done by the time she is 24 and I'll be done at 27...chalk one up for Jes!

In other news, on Tuesday night I went to listen to a world renown feminist, Gloria Steinem. I had never really been to a speech like that. I've sat in lectures at school and listened to students yell and crack jokes because the principle was being goofy, but I've never seen people act the way they did at this meeting. There were 3 different people that spoke their mind and then taken out in handcuffs. Here is what they did:

1. The first young man ran up to the stage with a clear plastic bag full of red and white cloth. As he poured them out on the stage next to Ms. Steinem he yelled that this was the blood of all the innocent children that she is a part of killing through abortion activism.

2. This gentleman threw a chair into the aisle as he screamed that we were all murderers. I was just there for extra credit - Gosh!

3. The third sat with a camcorder. He recorded everything and was making comments under his breath quite audibly. Anyway, as the other two guys were escorted out his outbursts became more frequent and more hostile. He was blocked off and on by a few large women who stood on chairs in front of him. This caused him to stand and those behind him to complain about him and those in his immediate view. Eventually he was escorted out.

I won't tell you what I though about Ms. Steinem's comments or the outbursts from fellow CSUSB students. What I will tell you is that I didn't even get extra credit for going...bummer. At least, I'm a little more well-rounded. Right?