It's a Sign

My last assignment: a paper on the importance of the three battles of Quebec in the 17th and 18th centuries, is due today! However, there was a problem - even before I finished (started) typing it.

Just as Murphy's Law states: I was lacking an important element.

So, I went to OfficeDepot to get a two-pack of black 94 ink.

I wasn't terribly excited about this purchase, but it signified an important event in my life - the end of undergraduate university studies! Can I hear an Amen?

What was more fun about this purchase was when I opened the box and pulled the 1st cartridge from the abyss. I hardly ever read the package within the package holding the product, but it was midnight and I was procrastinating finishing (okay...starting) my last paper.

Guess where this product came from!

Yep, you got it! This ink is a "Product of Puerto Rico".

Yes, there is a God and He's showing me what my future holds!

The Big 10,000

Sesame Street taught me a lot! I watched that show all the time. Even when I was at BHS I spent part-time job earnings on Sesame Street products like the gem of 1997. However, I always thought that there was one character who taught me more than I will admit:

Count von Count.

Lately, I have become fascinated with numbers again (this has happened before: like when I started to read the Doctrine and Covenants when I had 138 days left on my mission or when I was turning 15 1/2 and wanted my drivers permit or when I could go on my first date or even better counting the days from when Jesica and I kissed the 1st time to when we kissed again as boyfriend and girlfriend). Though, I must give credit where credit is due - I always remember the Count when my time is spent counting.

And since I'm in a counting mood, today is a really important day for all kinds of reasons:

There are only 2 more days that I have to go to college, ever, this week. (Well, until I start my Masters program next year...)

In 5 days I will be walking in a cap and gown, with passion and gusto.

In 10 days I'm leaving on a jet plane...and the next day (in 11 days) we'll celebrate Jesica's 22nd birthday.

In 98 days we'll celebrate our 2nd Anniversary, but 4th year together as a couple!

In 226 days I'll be 28 - Yikes!

In 2782 days I can run for President - go get those absentee ballots!

And today, Monday, 3 December 2007, I am 10,000 days old!!

So, thank you kindly for any of you who helped me get this far...I CAN count!

Oh, and I usually don't say this, but, "Happy Birthday to me!"

Horror at Work

On Halloween, Jesica and I (and some friends) discovered the joys and pains contained in silent movies. We, for the first time, experienced the horror that is Nosferatu. It actually was a little scary - in more ways than one...I mean, look at the guy, err monster. The point is, as we sat around and made fun of the movie with our friends, we were ingrained with the walk of the monster, with the look of the monster and with the creepy music that played throughout.

So, knowing that Nosferatu could be looming, even after his doomed ending in the movie, it is even scarier when you see someone walk like the monster. If you think that it is creepy on film, I can tell you of an office where you can see this hideous figure daily.

You may think this is rude and malicious - let me explain. She doesn't look like Nosferatu! She only walks like him, hovers like him and I feel the hair on the back of my neck raise as though creepy music is playing in tiny ear pieces I have yet to find when I see her walking towards me.

I'm actually glad that she isn't in my office. And fortunately for you, I won't tell you where to find her. Just know that she is out there waiting for your visit. When you see her, she'll have over-zealous eyes and a craving you just can't understand.

Thanksgiving Delights

Every Thanksgiving for the last four years I've worn my favorite shirt. It is Christmas green and simply states with holly for quotation marks:

Holiday Magic

Jesica hates it with a passion! But she puts up with it because - well, I don't know why she puts up with it (maybe I should be worried). There are a great deal of things to be thankful for today and there is a certain kind of magic in the air. So, as we sat around the dinner table with her family, I stated a few things I am thankful for. The two items that top my list are: Family and a safe place where my family can reside and do what we want to do when we want to do it...

...within the bounds of the law.

But there are some other very important things and I'd like to thank a fellow student of mine in AP Literature in 12th grade - Charles "Chuck" Kidd - for engraving them in my mind. I have lots of quotations and stories to attribute to Chuck, yet one stands out every Thanksgiving.

We were discussing what we were doing for Thanksgiving. I discussed the Turkey bowl, key lime pie and a movie. He had only three things to discuss, as well, and then an exclamation. I'll forever remember his comment:

"Evan, I only have three things planned for Thanksgiving and school work is not one of them:

Eat,

Sleep,

and Watch Football...

GOD BLESS AMERICA!!"

Chuck, thank you kindly! Need I say more? Oh, Happy Thanksgiving!

Patent Pending

When I was a kid we went to Galveston, TX. It was the only beach I knew (until we made it to FL for a vacation)...and I loved it. They had seashell shops by the seashore (say that three times fast). They had salt water taffy. They had those little shark heads with a handle at one end that made the shark bite two feet away.

Yeah, like that, but it was a red handle and it was really fun to pull hair with...I digress.

The point is, I got one of these in Galveston. I loved it and thought that it was really handy for a kid. But then I got to thinking about how beneficial it was because I was short. I could reach the snacks on top of the fridge without a chair, though they had to be light enough to grab and transport. So, my little genius mind began to turn.

The world needed a better grabby tool.

So, I began my creation. In less than a month, and with help from Dad, I had a nice grabby tool able to lift 10 lbs at a two foot distance away. It was made of wood and strong wire cables. It was perfect. And then it sat for years.

When I was a teenager, I saw the first one in a store.

Now you can purchase them anywhere and you can choose from 20" all the way to 48".

Recently, I've spoken a lot about the hope that someday someone will invent a DRR (not the Disneyland RailRoad or a Disaster Risk Recovery or a Digitally Reconstructed Radiograph, but a Digital Radio Recorder), much like a DVR (Digital Video Recorder or TIVO for those of you who like name brands - I have a Dual-Tuner myself), but for the radio.

Imagine listening to the radio and talking on the phone at the same time, but you're really involved on the phone and something is said on the radio that was really funny or controversial. But you don't know what it is because you were chatting on the phone. With a DRR you could easily rewind the radio and listen to what you missed.

Imagine, then, hearing a song that you just love and you don't have your mp3 player in the car. With a DRR you could listen to your song over and over and over again.

This is my idea don't steal it!

So, I missed out on the grabby tool. I'd like to make a DRR, but don't have the knowledge to do so. Then last week I went to the store and found another missed Opportunity.

No, I didn't invent York Peppermint Patties, but Jesica's mom gave me a recipe that I thought only she and I had yet discovered.

Holiday Brownies

They are fabulous. And I've only told a few people the secret recipe. Consequently, I was devastated when I got the bag home (and horded them in secret) because I saw the recipe for Holiday Brownies on the back of the bag of holiday packaged York Peppermint Patties.

Mofra, I'm sorry, Hershey stole our recipe!

What have I learned?

Well, if you have a dream, make it happen. Yeah, and don't let other people beat you to lots and lots of money!

I Did What?

Today, in my class that I enjoy so much, I realized what Senator Craig (Rep. ID) must be feeling - that is if he really doesn't like men. Examine the picture below:

Those chairs are really close together...

Consequently, I apologized several times to Nila Loveall (my bright and stalwart friend through 3 crazy courses - who always saves me a seat, encourages me to study and frequently scores higher on tests, oh and is responsible) and this guy who couldn't stay on his side of the line.

I'm not a homophobe, but now, late at night, I want to know what the heck was up with this guy. He had a lisp. He nudged my foot. He rubbed elbows. His thigh twitched as he crossed his leg and bumped mine.

All that was lacking was a hand gesture under the partition. I don't know what else to say...

...except, thank you kindly, Nila, once again for taking notes in class - even if they are just notes of the crazy stuff Prof. Zentner spouts off!

The Morale Boost

Just like any good employer Charter Communications (or their Business division - where I work) does many things to lighten the environment and bring more positive morale to the work place.

Take for instance the following:

Meet Captain Bundle!

He's all the Super-Hero rave. He has a sidekick: a hot Latina bilingual who not only tells customers and potential cable subscribers about the Triple-Play-Bundle, but also educates them about the Latino Tier and calling plans to Mexico that are 2nd to none.

So, every once and awhile we get actual comic strips about the most recent encounter Captain Bundle and his sidekick have with the bundle impostors. More on those at a later date.

But this week Charter provided some of us in Charter Business with another visitor. This guest doesn't have super powers or a handsome hair-do. It isn't "spicy" (unless you added some Tapatio) and it's not bilingual. It was cute, though, but probably not too friendly.

Here he is:

You may wonder why this brought such a morale boost to our team at Charter Business. I would have questioned it, too. But for any doubters out there just know this: Nina Gleichman never lies.

How could you argue with this?

They Really Got the Point!

On the 28th of September I blogged about a flyer of businesses that was provided by the Press-Enterprise. I always thought that it said, Saving Sex Press. Well, it is quite possible that the beauties of modern technology led editors to my Blog (yeah, right!).

Consequently, I was extremely excited when, yesterday, I got the following in the mail:

Now, that says Savings Express! I'm glad that I've saved countless thousands from the faulty morality of the press!

Video Killed the Radio Star

Saturday, the 27th of October, I start my very limited career in radio. You'll hear me and my boss's boss on the radio between 3pm and 5pm. Yes, on the radio - KTIE 590.

I'm the guy who hated to take voice lessons because you had to listen to your own voice. I didn't even like the short TV spot for Boy Scouts I did when I was a kid.

But this time around, I'm kind of excited, actually. You can find more information about the host here: Let's Dine Out. It was a lot to eat this evening, but I think the time on air will be well worth the cost of pounding down food. Tune in, because we'll be talking about the pictures below:

Yes, I tasted my fair portion of each of the dishes above...and it was free. On Saturday, I get to discuss what I thought of each of the platters...

Tune in for a good time, and maybe a laugh!

In This Very Room

In this building, in the door to the right, I got my sleep on, in class tonight. It just wasn't as exciting as usual. It's a good thing, though, that the lecture hall for PSCI 203 (which, incidentally, is the same classroom where I took a class called Race and Racism) has tiny little pull-out-desks from between the seats. Perhaps you've seen the kind before. So, every time I would nod off with my chin in my palm and my elbow on the desk I would jerk violently downward...and wake up.

But amidst my dozing, I did hear some of my favorite parts of history. The Northwest Ordinance. The Louisiana Purchase. The Missouri Compromise. The Spanish-American War. Everything leading up to the Civil War. These men who compromised to appease the slave holders of the South really kept the country together amidst unspeakable odds.

Anyway, that's a little deep for this blog, so I return to Dr. Zentner and his ever lively comments.

6:04 "Don't get comfortable." Guess I missed this one while I was sleeping...oops!

6:16 "Let's say we combine California and Nevada...let's call it Californianevada."

6:25 "Don't push me too hard or I'll get in the fetal position and hide under the table." This was after a student brought up a theoretical nuclear explosion in Nevada that forced its inhabitant's out of the state. So, the question was whether or not Nevada would still be a state.

6:52 "It's a moot point. Do you know what I mean by a moot point?" Wow! This really is a Freshmen class if he has to explain that!

6:54 "That's why Arnold doesn't have his own army..." Not sure where that one came from. I had a head jerk at 6:53.

7:23 "My man, Napoleon...he's a sexy guy! I lie awake dreaming of Napoleon." This was after his discussion of arguably the best real estate purchase ever!

Finally, this was after our enlightenment about the Kurds:

7:29 "Are we going to Police all those who need our protection throughout the world? I SAY HE^& YEAH!"

Someday...

Freshman Political Science should be easy. So, when I took the midterm yesterday I was the second one finished. The only problem is that I hope that the questions that I know I got wrong don't come back to haunt me in any future endeavors in public administration.

Staying on topic (Political Science class - in case you forgot or lost interest), I have a timeline of wits of wisdom from my PS professor.

6:20 - Evan's late to class because of the 15 mile, 1 hour drive. Luckily, no comment.

6:25 - While speaking about the Small Republic Theory of government - "Here's where it gets esoteric and a little sexy."

6:37 - A discussion on why members of congress get paid - "You want congressmen to make more money so they don't get bribed."

6:45 - I'm not sure - "I'm getting confused; losing track of where I've been from day to day."

6:48 - Speaking of a student in the front row - "He's a murdering bastard and needs to be whacked...that's justice!"

6:53 - Telling us the difference between Federalists and anti-Federalists - "Madison's whole argument is like a pre-emptive strike against Marx's argument."

6:55 - Wondering why we have to spend so much time explaining the Constitution - "The 18th Century prose is sometimes hard for undergrads to understand."

7:12 - Speaking of Hitler and Marx and Freud and a bunch of other people - "Almost all of the bad ideas of the 20th century came out of Germany."

7:13 - I think this next one came from the discussion of Freud - "We're all involved in sex."

7:23 - A mere 10 minute span - "We're all stupid differently."

7:25 - A discussion on factions - "I wish I were a janitor; then I would be left alone. My whole goal in life is to be left alone."

7:29 - After telling us that Madison is a little Machiavelli and Napoleonic - "Napoleon kicked a%&. He would always kick a%&! Isolate the main body and crush them!"

7:39 - Yes, the protection of differing faculties is the first object of government - "I'm a bit of a crooner."

7:42 - He defined republics and democracies and how Madison favors republics - "Add this to your list of things to make you sound smart at a cocktail party."

7:45 - The explanation we came to class for - "You don't vote because you don't have to!"

Can you believe this guy? I think that I now know why he has asked us not to record his lectures...at least I don't fall asleep in this class!

Just Once...maybe.

Do you know how almost every sitcom (or some other kind of trendy TV show) has at least one episode that is a musical? I think that almost every Blog at one point or another has a poem. I like that word: poem. I wish you could hear Emily Combs say, "Poem." I haven't heard anyone else say, "Poem," like she did. It was like "pohy-im". Funny stuff...

So, I've succumb and thought that I should post one of my favorite poems for you to read. Enjoy!

OUT of the night that covers me,

Black as the Pit from pole to pole,

I thank whatever gods may be

For my unconquerable soul.


In the fell clutch of circumstance

I have not winced nor cried aloud.

Under the bludgeonings of chance

My head is bloody, but unbowed.


Beyond this place of wrath and tears

Looms but the Horror of the shade,

And yet the menace of the years

Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.


It matters not how strait the gate,

How charged with punishments the scroll,

I am the master of my fate:

I am the captain of my soul.

--William Ernest Henley

The What?!?

I get one of these every week. It comes in the mail courtesy of our local newspaper (because I don't have a subscription) and has actually saved me some moolah on my vehicles. And with any luck, tomorrow it will give me an iPod Shuffle free of charge when I test drive a Kia in the IE!

(Though there are those around me that feel I don't need an iPod because I sing too much, too often, with too many songs always popping into my head as it is...)


Anyway, I post it here for one simple reason: when I see this I don't see Savings Express. Instead, I see three very different words and wonder how often an editor at the Press says, "Maybe we should rename this savings mailer. What do you think you, Cornelius?" or something to that affect...

Perhaps the Savings Express should be marketed with a locomotive or an express jet that carries you quickly to savings for Smog, insulated windows, free iPods, roofing, garage doors, cleaning of all kinds and other various sales or discounts. And it conveniently comes via my favorite USPS carrier.

Its just that I read it, as stated, differently:

Saving Sex Press

See what I mean?

My Recent Trade-Off

Before the 10 FWY on my way home this evening, I was full of vivacity, excited to come home and Blog like this:

Goodbye, Nathan's Famous and all the fun that the in-laws and I had watching a new world record on the 4th of July! And welcome back America's Favorite Hot Dog!

Yes, I've driven by you every morning on my way to work and every evening on my way to school, craving the succulent tastes that you so wonderfully push the boundaries of! I've laid you aside for a healthier lifestyle of Wendy's salads, a bi-weekly visit to Anchos, and the home-cooked meal. But I've put off a Mustard-Pretzel Dog and my cravings for your sacred tastes for much too long.

And that's why I visited your window this evening. I spoke with you through the call box and you asked me to pull forward and trade my mere pennies for delectable deliciousness. I could actually smell the scrumptious that I was about to partake of. In fact, I love that you aren't ritzy but have the accent of a beautiful vision South of the Border.

So, as I retrieved my ambrosia and pulled forward to leave a better man I was surprised that you summed me back to you with an urgent wave. Of course, this time I didn't suppress your beckoning call. I returned only to be asked to give my bag of goodness back. To my surprise you gave me the wrong feast of refreshment. But to my abundance of joy you informed me that I almost took home a salami creation made for a fellow enthusiast of your keen sense of flavor!

And then, as I almost left your presence with my Mustard Pretzel Dog and Bacon Chicken Sandwich with fries and a Mug Root Beer close to my side, I posed the question: "Does this petty mistake issue me a free ice cream cone?"

You said, "Yes!"

And it brought a tear to my eye. In fact, I'm all emotional inside, now, as I sit and type about our night of captivation.

And that is why I've said goodbye to eating contests and welcome back, to you, Weinerschnitzel!

That's how I planned it until the 10 Freeway.

As I sipped on my root beer, having already snarfed down the free ice cream, I reached into the bag (that I didn't double check this time) and reached for hot and steamy fries that weren't there. They weren't there. I can only assume they gave them to someone else and didn't stop them before they drove off. I can literally see the person in front of me in the drive-thru giggling because they got extra fries! Jerks!

My life changed on that overpass. It may be awhile before I return, but I can pose one question:

How many calories did I not consume in my trade-off of fries for an ice cream cone?

Learn This, Mr. President

Perhaps you haven't heard that this is the end of undergraduate work for me...or at least until I decide to teach later in life (hah! like I'd get hired to teach).


Anyway, I'm taking the equivelent of Freshman Political Science: Political Science 203. So, we've started with the Declaration of Independence (as opposed to say the Magna Carta or the Mayflower Pact). I love this document and I'm glad that before we started discussing it, we discussed being open.


So, other than learning that there is an idiot in the front row, who can't put her hand down, who interjects incredibly annoying comments and asks ignoramous questions like "where can I find a copy of the Declaration of Independence" and "which book do we read from when your syllabus states: American: 'something'? Is that the Amercian government one or the California one?", here are some things that I jotted down in the first two class periods:

The Humane Society is not like PETA.

If there is no reason, there is no freedom. If there is perfect reason, there is no freedom. Only with man's imperfect reason is there freedom.

A=B

B=C

A=C

The movie 300 is really dipicting Spartans as all of Greece.

It's better to miss class for a sporting event or a concert than for work.

All truth is relative.

Before you can be critical, you have to be sufficiently open to learn

And finally, my professor looks like Lord Voldemort!

The Last Day of Summer...Ever!

Last Wednesday, the 19th, I made a pact with myself. You see, I've only achieved straight A's a few times in my college career in any given semester/quarter and it was usually when I had three classes and two of them were music classes. So, on my last day of summer, ever, (because after December it is work, work, work, for a year and then MBA or Juris Doctorate or something which won't allow a summer and then work, work, work until retirement) I decided to get straight A's my last quarter in school!

I was totally excited! I went to school on Thursday and realized that the Freshman political science class that I've put off for so long is going to be incredibly easy! Yeah! I thought that I had it made...

Until today. So, far today I've purchased the following:

Oh, then I purchased the following book, this many times:

$150.00, and then $112.00 and finally $74.00 for these last three.

I didn't care about about the money even though all of them together were well, well a lot. What I do care about is the fact that this is my last freaking quarter at CSUSB and I have 10 books to read! 10!

What's up with that?

The Reusable Jar

For the last few months we have had a jar on the hutch in our dining room where we have collected change and miscellaneous funding (a.k.a. - recycling, loose/found change, and penalties for saying words or phrases the other hates) in hopes of saving enough for a Digital Camera. It may sound funny, but it has helped our binge-spending and has us really excited about a new camera!


Yesterday, we got it! It wasn't terribly expensive, but it is a huge step above the family name reusable ones I've purchased since Jesica's camera was stolen. Amazingly, it's also better than the built in variety on a cell phone.

Now, the The Digital Camera Fund has become The Better Sucking Vacuum Fund. But don't worry, we still vacuum once a week and it still works wonderfully well - we'd just like an upgrade - and we're excited!

Making it Legal...

Oral contracts are binding, it's just that often it is hard to enforce them.

However, everyone knows that a written agreement is more enforceable in court. So, here is a very condensed agreement (without proper verbage and clauses, no penalty for breach, etc.), in writing, of the oral agreement Jes and I made this morning.

In the Fall Semester Jesica agrees to get straight A's in her classes.

Upon completion of the Fall Semester and her completion of the terms of the agreement a trip to Europe and her choice of Italy, Spain, or France will be provided during Spring Break 2008!

Terms are subject to change...

Customer Service 101

I used to be a trainer in customer service for ClientLogic (a major call center outsource center). It was tough because I had to train people how to talk with common sense to people who were irate or just didn't know what they were talking about...usually because of some employee who neglected the customer's wishes in the first place. So, I think that I could probably teach some of the employees that try to help me in businesses.

Take, for example, Cameo. It was a simple purchase - I was just getting a USB extension cable. She took forever to ring up the woman in front of me in line and finally I placed the cable in front of her. She rang it up while speaking with her coworker and then the phone rang.

I'm sure you can guess that she answered it, but it seemed that she had just left another job: She answered, "Thank you for calling Wal-Mart...I mean OfficeMax. How can I help you?"

Though it was everything I could do not to laugh, I kind of felt bad for her. I felt bad, until I realized that she didn't excuse herself to answer the phone and then didn't apologize for the four minute phone conversation about her favorite store to shop at: Sears. What's worse? Not only did she not apologize, she didn't say anything the rest of the transaction...which lasted another 5 minutes. I almost went into training mode, but my wise better-half held my arm to notify me to shut-up!

So, next time you're at OfficeMax I hope that Cameo doesn't make an appearance to "help!"

He's Back

To protect his identity, I took a picture of the man arrested last Thursday, from behind. Yes, he rides a motorcycle. Yes, he loves Hooters. Yes, he actually is quite knowledgeable in most things business related. And yes, he is back in school...but probably without a knife.

Oh, and do you see that water bottle in the foreground? It will bring me 4 cents closer to a rockin' digital camera!

Is Honesty Unjust?

"Soon we must all face the choice between what is right and what is easy."

-Albus Dumbledore to Harry Potter after the return of He Who Must Not Be Named.

Thursday night 2 1/2 hours into my four hour nap time (otherwise known as Strategic Management or Management - Senior Assessment or Mgmt 490) four police officers stuck their heads in the door and two of them strolled almost to the end of the table farthest from me where there was an empty chair that, before break, was home to a young woman who sits with her friend every class. There was much commotion as the Prof. tried to continue to have class until the male officer took him into the hallway.

This left the female officer speaking with the absent girl's friend and those around the empty chair. Finally, trying to figure out what they were saying, I saw what all the commotion was about: the female officer picked up a knife with the blade already unfolded that had been sitting on the table hidden from my view by our course book.

We were stunned. We knew that the blade was over 2 1/2 inches and knew that the girl that it belonged to was out of school for good - her last class? And she gets kicked out of school for violating the weapon policy! Bummer!

Then, as the friend described how the girl found the knife in a chair she chose to swap with her own during the break, and as the officer was leaving the room carrying the weapon with blue rubber gloves in front of her like a dead squirrel, the business savvy motorcyle rider in class piped up:

"I think that that may be mine..."

Doh! All he had to do was keep his mouth shut and buy a new knife! But he was honest and probably saved some girl from misery and toil through the night. Unfortunately, all that stuff up there about the last class before graduation now pertains to him. I know that he violated the weapon policy. I also know that I'll forever remember his moment of honesty. It is too bad that the cops didn't see it that way:

08-16-2007 2000-0800
Case #07-0756 / Possession of Weapon on Campus (626.10 PC)
Description: At approximately 8:55 pm, officers responded to Jack Brown Hall regarding a found knife in a classroom. Upon further investigation the knife was found to belong to a male student, who was subsequently arrested for possessing a knife with a blade more than 2 1/2 inches.
Disposition: Arrest

Forty-Something

Happy Birthday, Moprah! Saturday was Jesica's mother's birthday. And unlike some Mother-In-Laws, mine is actually (yes, I'm going to say it) the bomb-diggity!

Does your Mother-In-Law fight with other swimmers in a game of grab the Toypedo before anyone else does?

Does your Mother-In-Law tell you crazy stories about the incredibly large body parts (parts that you hope don't enlarge on your body) she encounters in her work as a nurse?

Does your Mother-In-Law read Cosmo?

Does your Mother-In-Law really understand your spouse enough to pat you on the back with reassurance?

Does your Mother-In-Law call herself Moprah?

No? Too, bad for you...

Happy Birthday and thank you kindly for being a great influence in my life and for raising an incredibly wonderful woman! I'm glad to be in your family!

Also, for any of you who actually read this Blog, the answer to my last posting, a.k.a. my Hero, is Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain.

Can You Guess My Hero?

Can you guess who this person is?



Professor of Rhetoric and seminary teacher and president of a college.



Wounded six times in six different battles and had six horses killed while riding them.



Shot through the hips from Right to Left.



Lt. Colonel, Colonel, Brigadier General, Brevet Major General, Govenor.



Recieved a Congressional Medal of Honor through the mail.



Knew the author of Uncle Tom's Cabin.



Are you close? At least there is a time frame and a location... Any guesses?




Here is a picture to help:

Core Competencies

This evening during my four hour class I woke up for 2 important concepts: Core Competencies and Distinctive Competencies.

Core Competency - something you are good at.

Distinctive Competency - something only you can do.

So, Mr. Donohoo stated that we are to defend Core Competencies as they may develop into Distinctive Competencies...like something that you've been doing and then patent. Anyway, he stated that his daughter has this great Core Competency that he thinks is so neat! It went like this:

"My daughter has this thing she does with a maraschino cherry. She puts the whole thing in her mouth, stem and all, and then spits out the stem after she has tied it in a knot with her tongue."

We all know people who can do this...everyone in the class knows what it means. I sure do because I can tie a stem with my tongue.

Foolishly, though, I was the only one that was brave enough to blurt out and shame the Profs daughter:

"That means she's a good kisser!"

Apparently, now that he knows my name and will never forget me, he is going home to have a conversation with his daughter.

At least I got a laugh from the class...

Waste of Time

There are many things that have been categorized as a waste of time. My mom made it easy to find things that were a waste of time that I did: TV, computer games, toys, uh...too many dates with girls that I knew wouldn't be my wife. You get the picture!

Anyway, everyone also hates it when other people waste their time. You know like teachers who expect you to come to class, but they don't teach. Or construction workers who ask you to pick up blank checks and then don't even freaking use them to get excavation permits. Ooh, and a waiter who never brings the check when you've finished eating for over an hour.

I haven't Blogged in almost two months. So, those of you who actually check to see if I ever Blog, I'm sorry if I've wasted your time! But it is now Summer Break again and I plan to Blog everyday of summer break...no matter how long it is!!

Walker

You've seen him before. You know who he is and whether you call him Cordell Walker, or that guy that just kills people in MIA and Delta Force, or maybe that guy that sells the Total Gym, you still know that he'd kick your trash in an alley or a rooftop, a closet or a stadium.
Jesica recently found a book with items published from Chuck Norris Facts.com. Amazing and he's from Oklahoma! Here are some of the entries in no particular order:

1. Chuck Norris created the hole in the ozone layer "to get a better look at the sun."
2. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
3. Chuck Norris is suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
4. Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
5. Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
6. Chuck Norris's hand is the only hand that can beat a royal flush.
7. There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
8. Chuck Norris's family crest is a picture of a barracuda eating Neil Armstrong.
9. When Chuck Norris claps, the lights always turn on...even if he doesn't have a clapper.
10. When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.
11. Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books. The words assemble themselves out of fear.
12. Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his rage.
13. Chuck Norris has to use a stunt double for only one kind of scene - a crying scene.
14. Chuck Norris doesn't have blood. He is filled with magma.
15. When Chuck Norris wants an egg, he cracks open a chicken.
16. Chuck Norris once rode a nine-foot grizzly bear through an automatic car wash instead of taking a shower.
17. Chuck Norris never has to wax his skis because they're always slick with blood.
18. Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch. He decides what time it is.
19. Chuck Norris destroyed the Periodic Table because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.
20. When Chuck Norris does division there are no remainders.
21. Chuck Norris is the only person in the world who can actually email a roundhouse kick to your face.
22. Chuck Norris played Russian roulette with a fully loaded gun...and won.
23. Chuck Norris has 12 moons. One of them is Earth.
24. Chuck Norris' house has no doors - only walls that he walks through.
25. It is believed dinosaurs are extinct because of a giant meteor. This is true if you want to call Chuck Norris a giant meteor.
By the way, if you stare at this picture of Chuck for extended periods of time without proper eye protection it will cause blindness and possibly foot-size bruises on your face, though you can click it for his personal website that he personally welcomes you to.